Tuesday, March 10, 2009

random bits.

lately, M and i have had some bizarre phone conversations and she's sent me some random emails. thought i'd share..

a couple of weeks ago M called me. here's how it went.

M: hey, hi. i just wanted to tell you it's raining so hard outside!
me: looking out one of the many windows at their house. yeah.. i noticed that.... not really sure how i'm supposed to respond to this.
M: yeah.. so i was just going to say, if you didn't want to go out today, don't feel obligated.
me: well, we've already been out but thanks for the update...? i didn't know i needed the ok to have an inside day.
M: oh, no problem! i'll talk to you after a bit.

another day i used the very last diaper. eek! scary time. anyhoo, i called M to let her know, so she could pick some up on her way home. 

M: hi. is everything ok? i rarely ever call her, she always calls me, so when i do, she assumes the worst and that i'm calling with bad news.
me: hi. everything is fine. i'm just calling to let you know i used the last diaper.
M: ok... and...?
me: and, um, maybe you want to stop and pick some up on your way home so that the little man can have some freshies?
M: oh, ok. sure. see you later.
two minutes later my phone rings and it was her.
M: hi. i just wanted to make sure i heard you right. you called and asked me to pick up diapers?
me: yes. diapers. for little c. 
M: (laughing) oh geeze. i couldn't figure it out. ok, i'll see you later.
seriously? was i speaking in french? 

today we were at a play group and i had a missed call and voicemail from M. here's what her message said.
"hey, it's me. i just wanted to see how things are going. and i also wanted to tell you that i sent you an interesting email. ok, i'll talk to you later. bye."
so, we get home and i check my email... she sent me an email letting me know that they will soon be switching brands of toilet paper. that they will no longer be buying the non-recycled paper kind. her exact words...
"it pains me to say this, but from now on, we are going to ditch the ultra-soft butt wipe for us adults. it's been my favorite indulgence." 
i'm still not sure why this needed to be a) emailed to me and b) even be mentioned to me at all...

another email from her from a couple weeks ago. 
subject: no more cell phone use.
"hi! i've been using my cell phone (turned off, of course) for little c when i need him to be a bit more quiet. but he knows how to turn it back on now. can we all agree to let him cry if needed, try to distract if possible, but no more cell phone use. thanks!"

RANDOM. oh, my lovely job :)

Thursday, February 5, 2009

grandma=the devil in disguise..?

as previously stated, M cannot stand C's mom, P. you can sense her dislike from a mile away. when she talks about P, you can see she's burning up inside. 

today P called me and asked if she could come hang out with us and have some time with the babe. i personally have no issues with her. she's nice enough, and has nothing but love for the little man. i told her we were going to the library and asked her to join us. 

little C was really excited to see her when she arrived. it was very cute. he doesn't get much grandma time because M rarely allows her to come over.

at one point during play group, the little man was being really cute so i snapped a picture with my phone and sent it to M. in the picture, he was sitting on grandma's lap but you couldn't see her face. 

M called me a little while later and here's how our conversation went.
M--i just got your picture. who's the big kid whose lap he's sitting on?
me--oh, that was P. she met us at the library for some hanging out.
M--she WHAT?!
me--yeah, C called her this morning and suggested she hang out with us today. she called me shortly after and we arranged it. it was really nice.
M--ok, so she met you guys there? without C being there? just you two? 
me--yes.... i can sense the tension in her voice and she's talking hushed, she's clearly in her cubicle and trying to keep her cool.
M--oh, great. so how many times has this happened without me knowing?!
me--um.. what? this lady is nuts. completely insane.
M--does she regularly meet you there and you just fail to mention it?
me--laughing and trying REALLY hard to not. no, M. i'm pretty sure i'd mention that.
M--i'll talk to you later. click.

i put the phone down and was basically in shock. SHE WAS TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!

all afternoon i was anxiously awaiting her arrival home. i knew she was either going to freak out and try to enforce some rule along the lines of  "you need to let me know prior to hanging out with her" or she was just going to be really passive about it.

she got home and sat down and instantly asked me to fill her in on all the details about our time with P. i told her we went out to lunch with her afterwards and you could tell she was fuming inside. she wanted to know where we went, what the little man ate, etc. 

she then said, "did P feed him?" i told her no, that he fed himself. she said.. "oh good! cause grandma's nails are disgusting, huh little C?"

part of me was really hoping she'd try to enforce some dumb rule because i really wanted to tell her she's f'ing nuts and needs therapy. oops. 

another little blurb...

M only wants little C to call them mama and papa. only that. not daddy, mommy, mom, whatever. just mama and papa. she's told me numerous times that during time with P, P will refer to them as mommy and daddy. she gets really mad about this and thinks that P is trying to ruin her life. literally. she sees it as a huge disrespect and will tell me about it each time it happens. 

today at the library, P was talking about how little C looks so much like his daddy. then she said, "oh, i mean your PAPA. i wouldn't want your MOMMY getting mad at me for using the wrong term." i about peed my pants laughing! she knows how ridiculous it is. 

honestly, it's something so small and trivial, why get worked up over it?

Sunday, February 1, 2009


i know what they say, repetition is key. makes you really remember a point. or ten. 

but at my job, that i've now been at for over a year, i don't need constant reminders. 
i have a fairly decent memory. M, however, does not. i think she actually doesn't recall telling me some of the things she's told me 3,742 times in the past.

"you can make him eggs for lunch, just don't salt them." oh, ok. because i forgot that you've said 'don't salt his food' since he started eating.. TEN MONTHS AGO!
"don't forget to wash his hands--WITH SOAP--after you've been at the park."
"when you're out 'n about, don't let strangers touch him."
"make sure you keep the basement door closed. we don't want him falling down the stairs." oh, really? because i do want him to fall down the stairs?

the list goes on and on...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

good oral hygiene.

this morning C was brushing his teeth and holding the babe at the same time. little c loves to be involved in the teeth brushing process. they use a sonicare.. 'nuf said. 

C seemed to be a bit on edge this morning (i think it was from the lack of sleep since the little man decided he'd wake up at midnight and be ready to party... all the way until 9 am--wowza!) and he seemed to be annoyed by the little guy grabbing at the toothbrush, yet wouldn't put him down. i asked the babe if he wanted to brush his teeth, as i was getting out his toothbrush to hand to him. C was elated, it distracted the little guy long enough so he could finish his oral care.

C finished up his business and then put little c down to return to his wandering. obviously little c isn't going to just stand in one place and gnaw on his toothbrush--much more fun to do while roaming your territory! C suddenly yells at me, "HEY!!! YOU CAN'T LET HIM WALK AROUND WITH THE TOOTHBRUSH IN HIS MOUTH!!!! HE COULD FALL AND CHOKE!!!" whoa, brah! simmer down! 

i turned to look at him and said, "um.. remember how you're the one who just put him down instead of finishing up the job..?"

he picked up the babe, finished brushing his teeth, and acted as tho nothing had happened. aye! some people!

Sunday, January 11, 2009


one day the little man and i were out on a walk. they have one of those fancy pants jogger strollers and he was cruising along in there. he ended up falling asleep and just looked so cute. i snapped a photo with my phone and sent it to M. 

a few minutes later, my phone rang. it was M. this is out our convo went..

M: hey, hi. i have a really random question for you..
me: hi. ok, go.
M: when you are on a walk, do you wear the leash around your wrist, the one that connects to the stroller?
me: ah.. no. not really that often. or ever. it just gets in the way.
M: really? you don't?
me: no, i don't. we go on leisurely walks. i don't think he's going to roll away from me..
M: well, whenever we walk with him in there, we're sure to wear the leash. it's there for safety reasons. 
me: alright, well, good to know.. i wasn't going to say 'well, in that case i guess i'll wear it all the time.'

we hung up and i started laughing. out loud. walking down the sidewalk. 

C got home before M that night. this is what he said to me. "so, M told me about the leash conversation earlier. while we do use the leash every time we use the stroller, i know it's not necessary. please don't feel obligated to do so." hey, thanks for your permission. i wasn't going to, anyway.. oops :)

on a side note.. i need to cut my finger nails. they're getting to be a little long. hopefully M doesn't notice and think i'm doing it just for her peace of mind. ha!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

attack of the cat.

as previously mentioned, little C loves to love/terrorize the cats. what child doesn't want to attack a big fluffy wandering ball of fur, right?

one of the cats loves to sit on the arm of the sofa, the perfect eyesight/reach for the little man to attack. the cat wears a collar that has a bell on it; the perfect baby toy. little C loves to grab onto said collar and make the bell jingle. 

one afternoon, i was across the room and the little man approached the cat. he's not quite to the age where he understands when you warn him not to do something so i was walking over to him and i was literally about 4 steps away when the cat clawed the top of his (very bald) head. and hissed, loudly. he didn't pull/scratch. just 5 perfect puncture wounds where his claws hit. little C looked at me while gasping for breath and then screamed. naturally. 

he calmed down as soon as i got him. it didn't really bleed, just a tiny speck popped thru. i rinsed off the battle scars and applied some neosporin (the kind WITHOUT pain reliever because they've got both and i've been told, numerously over the past year [imagine that], that that kind is not intended for kids). he was fine and on his way. and, of course, walked right back to the cat with a huge grin on his face.

when M got home from work that evening she about shit her pants when she saw the 5 seriously tiny scabs atop the little man's head. i told her the story, and she reacted as tho i had drug the child across the pavement. why am i not surprised? when C got home a few minutes later, M quickly said to him, "look at his head..... apparently the cat scratched him." i looked at her and said, "the cat DID scratch him. you can tell those 5 dots are from the cat's claws."

the next morning when i got to work, C gave me a lecture about how if i'm not going to be in the same room as little C, then i need to lock the cats in the basement because they don't want him to get scratched again. or worse yet, to get his eyes clawed out. his words, not mine. those are some vicious cats, man! wow..

he has since been scratched twice more. one on my time, one on theirs. guess i'm not the only one who doesn't "pay attention" every second.. ;)

Friday, January 2, 2009

just in: downtown library deemed unsafe for story time.

as i mentioned before, little C and i regularly attend a story time group at the little neighborhood library branch. he really enjoys seeing his little friends, and his other favorite nanny as well :)

as summer was winding down and the weather was cooling off, i was trying to figure some other options of activities that we could do that fit our public transportation routes and/or neighborhood walk about area. i was browsing the library website and saw that the downtown central library building had a story time earlier in the week; the one we go to is on thursday. so i thought that'd be fun. we could ride the train downtown, enjoy some stories, get some coffee, and head back home for nap time.

M and i were talking about cold weather activities and i suggested downtown story time. she stopped dead in her tracks and said to me, "oh.. i don't think i want him going to that library. it's really gross how many homeless/drug addict people hang around in and outside there." somehow i knew she was going to say something to this extent. 

ok, while it is true that often times outside the downtown library there are a handful of homeless people hanging out. with one another, smoking cigarettes, just doing their thing. it's not a place where i've ever been hassled for money. they usually keep to themselves. yes, i have seen some of them sleeping upstairs in a corner before but there is constantly security in there to keep them out and make it a safe place. plus, the last place you'll find them is in the children's library, in the story room. somehow i'm just not convinced that the librarian is going to let them stick around for story time..

i have taken other kids to this exact same library. it's got the best selection of books, being the main library and not just some lowly branch. and.. prepare for this.. WE ALL CAME OUT ALIVE AND UNHARMED! 

it makes me think that M doesn't trust my judgement and that i might take little C to some place deemed unsafe. not only do i care about his life and well being, i happen to value my own. it's an amazing thing..

M continues to say no, that she'd prefer us to not go downtown. something about the air quality not being as good since the traffic is heavier down there.. really, i just can't win. ;)